This picture is just in from Florida,  allegedly a dog trainer is causing some commotion at Disneyland ! Reports are that Disney Security has been alerted and is on the lookout for the culprit.

Exit Smiling:

The American Field, of course is THE source for information regarding field trials. Those who write these reports, God bless ‘em, are largely amateurs who do the best they can and , by and large, do a fine job.

Sometimes, however, some of the reports contains things that have not come out quite as they were intended. While it is not our goal to make fun of anybody, these written ‘bloopers’ of sorts can make us smile and realize that neither the dogs nor those who write about them are perfect. The following are lines taken straight out of the Field and italicized along with some written commentary.

Putting On A Trial

Apparently not all trials are run on game birds as one report read: "It was

a bluebird morning, lots of birds seen, but not many pointed."

Putting on a trial is a lot of work and a person has to do multiple tasks.

So a report read, "Will ______ made sure that the birds were released for

each brace and secured a port-a-john." I suppose you could say he was

responsible for a lot of flushes.

Social events are important but sometimes they get out of hand and run a

little long as indicated by a report which stated, "After Friday’s running,

a social hour was held, followed by a catfish dinner on Saturday."

One report said, "Nan ______ combined her beauty and knowledge of bird

dogs when she teamed up with charming Horace _________ to judge the open

puppy." They obviously have dual-type standards for their judges that

require looks and performance, a situation that, likely, most clubs that

run long trials cannot afford to do. For example, I would imagine that the

Sunshine field trial club will have a heck of a time getting judges for

their next renewal given that a recent American Field reported of their

current trial "The Sunshine Trial has run for over thirty years…," I would

imagine a lot of potential judges are likely to say, if it runs more than

ten years I won’t be able to judge it.

Ways To Describe A Winning Performance

(that the owners would NOT want to use in your stud ad)

"Of all the words that can be used to describe what a dog does in the field

Barshoe King brought to mind, refreshing."

Refreshing?

"His derby age charge, Skipper, fresh from summer camp in North Dakota,

had everyone’s head spinning like that movie ‘The Exorcist.’"

The champion "ran in miserable weather, getting worse every minute."

Dear Frizzy,

My dog Wiley performs very well on wild game, but comes completely undone on planted birds. Unfortunately it is quite a long trip for to get to wild birds and there is a game farm/hunt club only about 5 miles away. He has embarrassed me several times at this game farm in the past where he just kills and retrieves them instead of pointing them. The final straw at the game farm came last weekend. I hedged my bets by only having a third of my birds (quail) released while the other 2/3rds remained in the bird bag to see what was going to happen, not wishing to just throw them out for Wiley to slaughter. Wiley caught and killed about 4 then disappeared. When next seen, he was in the field with an orange bird bag. He had somehow sneaked around grabbed the bird bag from the back of the ATV and had killed those birds too. I never got to shoot. Once again, he is fine on wild birds, but there is not enough sport on wild game to suit me. How do I train him to point planted, pen-reared birds as well as he points wild ones?

Wondering In Buffalo

Dear Wonder- Buff,

Wiley performs well on wild birds because he knows he cannot catch them.

He can catch birds on his own at the game farm and so is obviously smart

enough to know the difference. That intelligence is a good thing.

Lookit. The name of the game is to put birds in the bag. At pen-raised

game preserves the birds ALREADY ARE IN THE BAG. Then they take them out of

the bag and throw them around with the hopes of putting them back in the bag

after a lot of walking by you and running and work by your dog. Usually all

of this effort results in LESS birds in the bag than were in there at the

start. This makes no sense at all and your dog  is obviously Wiley enough

to realize this. He also tries to make the best of it by saving you as much

ammunition as possible and you still do not appreciate his efforts.

I am completely opposed to the notion of getting your dog to handle

planted birds. Not only does that require lots of work, and work is a four

letter word, but it is just BAD all around. Years ago when these game bird

farms started popping up, many people faced the same dilemma that you are

faced with right now. Dogs were chasing and catching these birds and little

shooting at birds took place. Most chose to figure out how to train the

dogs so that  they pointed these birds and held so that the gunner could

flush and shoot. Clearly, they made the wrong choice. Had they allowed

the dogs to do as they pleased, these would have culled the weak flying

birds out of the breeding stock long ago. The result today would have

been a pen raised bird that behaves like a wild one, and Wiley would have

been right at home. THEY made the wrong choice to train dogs to handle weak

flying birds. Don’t make the same mistake now.

Enjoy him on wild birds as often as you can. And hang in the WonderBuFF,

Ole Frizzy is on your side.

(Frizzy Shmendrick is the author of "How To Become An Expert On Dog Training

by Writing About Dog Training" and more recently "How To Become An Expert

On Dog Training By Pretending To Be An Expert On Internet Message Boards")

Frizzy Shmendrick

Dear Frizzy,

My pointing dog does most everything right, but he is very vocal. He gets so excited when I turn him loose that he barks frequently as he hunts. Then when bird scent stops him, his excitement builds even further and he howls and whines as he points. He is a good bird dog but all of this noise detroys the ambiance of a hunt. Is there anything I can dog to stop all of this?

Wearing On My Nerves In Garbington

Dear Wear Garb,

Even if there were no advantages to the behavior described, training

a dog out of these things is hard work, and work is a four letter word.

But there ARE, in fact, distinct advantages to what your dog is doing

which makes it all the more unwise to actually attempt any work to end these

habits . Other people have to really struggle in the field to keep track of

where their dog is while your dog is actively sending you that information..

You don’t need to put a bell on him: he let’s you know where he is by

barking. You don’t need a beeper collar either because his howling and

whining let you now that he is pointing and where he is pointing. Not

having to use a bell or a beeper saves you more money; money you worked

hard for.

The hound people have known these advantages for centuries and so have

come to appreciate a dog with a good voice. So appreciate your dog for

what he is and don’t be trying to change him so readily.

Of course, I know that the sound of a barking and whining dog does

not fall to well upon the ears of some, so to help you out even further, I

have a collection on CD called "Funky Frizzy " which is me singing Hip Hop

tunes. Listen to that on the way to your covers, and for the next few

hours, believe me, ANYTHING will sound good by comparison, even a barking

bird dog. ( Funky Frizzy CD: $24.95 post paid. No Refunds. If the CD

doesn’t function, both you and your family will be thankful. Believe me)

If you don’t want to spring for my CD because you’re a tight wadded

cheapskate (and I love and admire you for it) you could probably get by by

listening to about any other Hip Hop tunes, and you will likely achieve the

same effect. And hang in there Wear Garb. Ole Frizzy is on your side.

Frizzy

(Frizzy Shmendrick is the author of "How To Become An Expert On Dog Training

by Writing About Dog Training" and more recently "How To Become An Expert

On Dog Training By Pretending To Be An Expert On Internet Message Boards")

Dear Frizzy,

This a bit of a disgusting topic and I hope I do not offend any of your other readers. I have a dog that happens to be a very good bird dog, is fun to hunt birds with, but he has a sickening habit around the kennel of eating his stool. Worse yet, if he can get at them, he will eat the stools of his kennel mates as well. I find this very offensive. I have tried all of the marketed products as well as every home made cure I have some across, but nothing turns him away from a chance at fresh droppings. Is there some way to train him out of this horrible behavior?

Nauseated in Newburgh.

Dear Nausy New,

Sure you could break him of this, but why on God’s green earth would

you want to? If you have a dog that not only is very good in the field but

also cleans the kennel for you , buddy, you’ve got yourself a dream dog.

Your problem is that you need a new way to think about this. You need to

think of him not as a "poop popper" or a "turd taster", but instead think

of him as a "recycler," a dog who is generous enough so as to to pick up

after himself - and other dogs - and re-uses it. If this alternate

thinking doesn’t work and the behavior is still intolerable to you,

please give me a call. I will be happy to take him off your hands for you.

And hang in there. Ole Frizzy is pulling for ya.

Dear Frizzy,

I have three wonderful dispositioned littermates from a litter that I raised here. Their names are Rack, Shack and Bednigo. These pups are two years old now and they hunt well, handle like a glove, and are wonderful around the house and yard, but they are driving me nuts in the field. They have unproductives and lots of them. I hunted them one at a time yesterday and, between the three, I flushed 26 times without a bird. I then put them away and took a walk for a couple of hours, just me and my shotgun. I jump shot three birds hunting just like I used to before I got hooked by these bird dogs. Whether it is faulty genes in these dogs and or poor training that have caused them to false point, I don’t know. But when I bag more game without dogs than with them, something is not right. Is there some way to get them over this problem?

Birdless in Binghamtom

Dear Birdbing,

There are ways to work with these dogs but they are time consuming and

difficult, which is why I never really looked into or experimented with

them. "Time consuming," when used to describe anything that requires an

output of effort on my part, makes me very skeptical. Ditto for

"difficult." "Time consuming" AND "difficult" pretty much removes any

training technique from my consideration.

Besides, you need to work WITH your dog’s strengths, not against them.

The solution to your problem is to go out with the goal of hunting birds

without a dog, just like you wrote about, and like many others who don’t

own dogs at all and still enjoy bird hunting. Now. Here is the little

twist: While you are hunting ‘dog less,’ turn your dogs loose. Turn

them loose all three at the same time. I know this seems contradictory to

hunt dog less with three dogs running around, but look at it this way: They

cover more ground and every time they point, you know there is NOT a bird

there, which considerably cuts down on the area that that you need to cover

that might actually have a bird. If you had enough of these false pointing

dogs, you could go straight to where the birds are, simply by the process

of elimination. Just ignore the dogs when they point and go where they

are not pointing, and your odds of are increased of finding a bird … and

hang in there Birdbing, Ole Frizzy is pullin for ya.

.

(Frizzy Shmendrick is the author of "How To Become An Expert On Dog Training

by Writing About Dog Training" and more recently "How To Become An Expert

On Dog Training By Pretending To Be An Expert On Internet Message Boards")

Dear Broke,

I can’t speak for competent pros, but I will answer your letter.

First off: You WILL be broke if you continue with your mistaken belief

that the breeding stock should be evaluated and trained. You need to get

that thought out of your head. At various kennels and backyard operations

there is a long and distinguished tradition of NOT getting the breeding

stock into the field much or at all. These are the geese that lay the

golden eggs and by the time you have raised a puppy to breeding age you have

a lot of money into them already just in the feed. Why put them at risk?

Besides, the minute you spend all this money training and evaluating dogs,

and going through all this effort, you will realize that most of the pups

are not going to get into the field or trained much either.

You need to condition yourself to a new way of thinking: A dog that

is not trained or experienced has only raw genetics to work with and

display. None of that training or experience can be transmitted to the

puppies. It is irrelevant. In fact the very purpose of training and time

a field/experience is to make a dog better than he is, which another way of

saying that they cover and hide genetic weaknesses.

Look at it this way, if someone wants to see your dogs in the field

before buying one of its offspring, and you can’t talk your way out of it,

two things can happen when you show the dog: either he will do well or he

won’t do well. If you have done nothing with him in the field and he still

does well, impressing both you and the prospective buyer, it amounts to a

demonstration of raw genetics. What you see is what you get. The dog is a

natural. It’s all breeding and genes. The pup will likely be a natural too.

You win. If, on the other hand, the dog does not do well, "What do you

expect? The dog has not been out at all… but that does not mean the

puppies will be bad…" You break even. Now consider the same 2 outcomes

when the dog you are showing in the field HAS had some time, effort and

training. If he does well… duh… he should do well. That is expected, and

it still leaves the question of whether his ability is natural or is he

just well trained. You break even. If the dog doesn’t do well, despite

the time and training…you lose.

So to summarize the results of when you show a dog the sire/dam to a

potential puppy customer:

Dog does well /dog does poorly

Time, effort, money Trained and experienced dog: break-even /lose considerable

Dog w/ no field time or experience: win /break even minimal

The right and proper path is clear. Leave that dog in the pen or on the

sofa. Save your hard-earned money.

Hang in there Ole Frizzy is on you side.

(Frizzy Shmendrick is the author of "How To Become An Expert On Dog Training

by Writing About Dog Training" and more recently "How To Become An Expert

On Dog Training By Pretending To Be An Expert On Internet Message Boards")

Professor Snivelor

Products We Need

As I page through a the latest Lion Country Supply catalogue, I see

some new products but not enough to suit me. There are many problems that

we field trialers have that are in need of creative solutions. It is

high time someone stood up and publicly listed some products that we

need to solve these problems and make for a better life for us trialers.

Once made aware of the problems, some clever inventor could make some

solutions happen.

Number 1: Air bag For Horses

Ideal for horseback trialers and judges, it is a device worn by the

rider like a jumpsuit. It would likely be funny looking but would still be

an improvement over what most wear now at the trials now. There would be

sensors built into the saddle and both stirrups. When the feet and butt

lose contact with these sensors, the airbag is triggered and blows up

instantly all around the rider. There could also be voice activated device

to trigger the airbag also when phrases like, "OH MY GOD!" are uttered in

sheer panic.

Number 2: Elevator stirrups.

The battery packs are in the saddle bags. You push a button and the

stirrup descends. You put your foot in, push the other button and it

raises you right up. Long overdue.

Number 3: Scout Monitor

A device worn on the scout’s wrist like a bracelet and patterned after

those electronic devices worn by convicts on parole. They can’t be removed

without the special key and send signals to both judges as to where the

scout is at all times.

Number 4: The Turd Buster

I envision a co-operative effort between Innotek, Danner Boots, and

Purina. It would start with Purina putting small amounts of some substance

into the dog food; perhaps some metallic substance, that has no effect on

the dog at all, and just passes right through. Innotek then comes up with

a device that detects this substance and issues a warning buzz from a small

speaker. Danner boots then fits their boots with these devices. As a

result any time you foot is headed for a pile of dog crap, the warning

buzz goes off and the messy situation avoided.

Number 5: Fantasy Field Trial

It would start with a complete pedigree list from which you would

select and breed dogs from. Then they would compete against others in

trials right there on your screen. For those who like to breed dogs on

paper, this would be the ideal product since they are now able to trial

the dogs too in the comfort of their living room. For those that like

trials but rarely actually go to any, it would be perfect as well, and

would be more enjoyable than hanging around all of the internet message

boards.

Number 6: Bell Screener

These would be hearing devices that are worn like ear muffs and while

they do not magnify sound, they zero in the sound of your brace mate’s bell

and block it from reaching your ears. That way when you are braced with

the guy whose dog ranges all of forty yards but whose handler chose to put

a bell on it that is only slightly smaller than the Liberty Bell, you can

still hear your own bell in the distance. As an extra feature, the device

could also electronically eliminate the voice of the other handler who, as

his dog is making small circles around him, is yelling at it as if he is

trying to turn his dog off of an 800 yard cast. An extra selling point is

that it similarly works on spouses.

Number 7: The Annoying Handler Device

The handler counterpart to the e-collar and the bark collar. Too much

noise from whistle or voice and the handler automatically receives a shock.

The device is also equipped with GPS and other measuring devices. If the

handler exceeds the proper pace, several powerful shocks automatically put

him or her back into compliance. Both horseback and walking versions

should be available.

Well, there you have it. I’m sure that there are others that I missed

that will show up in future columns but these ought to keep some ambitious

inventers busy for a while.

Ira Snivelor,

Ph.D.

Professor Snivelor

The Ploy

Clarky is young handler running a nice dog in a championship. His dog

Muttnut is piling up bird finds and is running good too. In the gallery are

a combination of observers both unbiased (I don’t have a dog in this fight,

I am just watching) and also rival handlers with a stake in the matter and

who badly want to win. Perhaps someone observing has a dog already that

fnished with bird work.

Muttnut has a woodcock at 7, grouse at 12, 17, and 22, another

woodcock at 34, another grouse at 49, all well-handled, and now the bell

stopped again at 55. Clarky walks in to flush and the dog moves at the

flight and is ordered up. Clarky comes out shaking his head, Muttnut on

the leash. One by one, people from the gallery, fellow competitors in

particular, file by the disappointed handler shaking his hand, patting him

on the back and saying things like:

"Sorry man. You had this thing in the bag."

"That’s a shame Clarky. That was the best performance I have seen in a

long time… until THAT happened."

"I don’t see how that could have been beat."

"You had it won hands down!"

Clarky, though disappointed , is heartened that people saw the

greatness in the dog. He is particularly complimented by rivals handlers

telling him how wonderful his dog was. In fact most of the comments about

great performances came from the rival handlers, which means a lot for

Clarky considering that these other handlers are his competitors. In fact,

among the unbiased yet still knowledgeable observers in the gallery,

Muttnut was doging a good job; some would say, ‘ a very good job.’ But

words like ‘great’ and ‘best I have seen’ and such all came from the rival

handlers.

Of course Clarky is too young and too new to recognize what is really

happening: The Old ‘Compliment The Dog That Can’t Beat You’ Ploy. Here’s

how it works:

Trial veterans well know that had Muttnut NOT been ordered up on that

bird , but instead fnished well with seven wild birds in his pocket,

those exact same people that said "you had it won" and " best performance

I have seen" and "in the bag" would instead have been saying, "He was..

alright, I suppose. I really didn’t care for him in the middle there"

and "I didn’t like him on the second bird" and "He could have been a bit

more forward from 20 to 21."

IN fact, as rivals and fellow competitors were walking in that gallery

that day, watching the bird work pile up, the wheels were turning and

several were undoubtedly looking for something, anything, to interpret in

such a way that THEIR dogs still might win instead of the fine performance

they were watching. Of course, coming up with such interpretations takes

some heavy duty thinking, an active imagination, a smattering of

negativity, and good dose of kennel blindness to pull off. That so many

of us field trialers are up to such a task, is a credit to our ability to

be creative, and is even more impressive given the pressure and time

limits inherent in field trials.

Of course, actually admitting out loud to other people that "Muttnut

ran better overall and had more bird work, but I still would use my dog

over Muttnut if I were judging because my dog started better and had a

tougher course to run on" is best not spoken aloud unless necessary.

Unbiased observers who hear such a statement would likely think you are

fairly insane, and it is a testament to our field trial galleries that,

almost to person, they have sufficent politeness and self-control so as

not to fall over laughing in such situations. This goes double for fellow

handlers since they feel that your dog was behind Muttnut AND their dog.

Suddenly, however, Muttnut has been ordered up, and collective

"whew!" goes up. The burden of alternative interpretations has been lifted,

and the prospect of embarrassing one’s self by actually admitting that "I

actually thought that my dog was better" has been avoided. One’s true,

not so positive thoughts can remain hidden for ever.

With, Muttnut no longer a contender, now is the time to tell the handler

how great the dog was, and you can afford to lay it on thick. Clarky

will gobble it up, and you have built up good will with a fellow handler.

It is win-win.

Ira Snivelor, Phd.

Professor Snivelor On The ‘Too Many Entries’ Problem

Lately the grouse and woodcock trialers have been struggling with what

to do about large entries. Clubs have had to turn away entries or

overstrain their workers. Weekend trials are flowing into the week.

There are no easy answers to this problem. More people want to run

their dogs in cover trials than ever before. But there are only so many

hours in the day and so many hours in the weekend. So I propose a solution

that will limit the numbers in a manner that is fitting and just.

But first allow a digression which will provide a background for my

solution: I was traveling to a dog event some years ago with a pro. The

event was some six hours away. About an hour into the trip I asked, "Are

we going to stop and let the dogs empty out?"

"No," came the gruff reply, "They can hold it."

Then we stopped three times so that HE could use the bathroom. Around

12:30 P.M. we stopped for lunch and he had a greasy double cheeseburger

and, in between bites, with gobs of oily cheese dripping from the corners of

his mouth, he lectured me on the the proper diet for optimum health in a

dog in and the dangers of feeding table scraps. It suddenly occurred to

me that he had a different and higher set of expectations for the dogs than

for himself.

Likewise, some years ago, I was duck hunting with my friend Jocko and

his black Labrador Harpoon. Jocko had dropped a duck into a grassy field

and sent Jocko to get it. Harpoon couldn’t seem to immediately locate the

duck and went round and round. Jocko shook his head. "What’s the matter

with him?" he muttered in disgust, "We don’t have all day. If that bird

was snake, it would have bitten him." Jocko conveniently forgot that the

the reason that time was short that day, was because HE could not find his

truck keys for the better part of an hour. Similarly, I was once grouse

hunting with a buddy and his setter Max when, with the dog working well to

the front, a grouse flushed near the trail that so surprised us that

neither got a shot. "That *#!* #! stupid dog," he immediately grumbled,

his face flushing red with anger, "He missed that bird." And he was

right. The dog HAD missed that grouse. But ignored was the fact that the

dog HAD pointed three others that both of us had missed clean with all

barrels.

What about us trialers? We admire a dog that mixes it up with the cover

and avoids the easy footing… while we route and maintain courses so that WE

have the easy footing. We praise a dog that goes into the briars, but,

heaven forbid if they point in there because, poor me, I might get

scratched by a thorn, and that hurts.

At a cover trial this spring, a voice came from the back of a

substantial gallery: "There’s a dog on point there." And there WAS a dog

on point there not twenty feet from the trail in plain view. Both handlers,

both judges, and about a dozen other people had walked right on by not

seeing the dog. But had we known the dog had stopped there, or saw him

standing, and the other dog went through there several times, we fully

believe that he should be faulted for not backing. "How could that dog NOT

have seen that other dog standing there on point?" we ask, completely

sure of ourselves. Once again some thirty sets of human eyes failed to see

the dog on point, yet we fully expect that the other dog going full tilt

should have seen it and backed.

In addition, we don’t like a dog that barks when it runs or on point

because it ruins the ambiance of the hunt, even though we yell, scream and

‘whoa,’ at the top of our lungs when we handle these dogs.

My idea to get the overabundance of entries in check, therefore, is

merely to insist that the handlers be held to the same standards that we

hold our dogs to. If we insist upon a dog that is a well conditioned

athlete, the handler should be as well. If said handler is running to

catch up to the other handler, his gait and running style should fall under

the scrutiny of the judges. If handler doesn’t see his dog on point and

walks by the dog, the handler is done, ordered up, for not backing. If a

handler makes other mistakes during his heat - does not know where his dog

is, can’t find him on point, goes the wrong way on the course, is too

loud or too quiet, that handler should be faulted or just ordered up. If

the dog can’t make mistakes, then errors by the handler should not be

tolerated either. If a handler struggles up a hill, he should be

faulted and should certainly not be awarded any wins if he slows toward the

end, or gets heated up no matter how hot the day is. Generally, if a

judge says, "that is not a handler that I would want to bring home with me"

that handler should not be given a win.

If we expect handlers to meet the same same high standards that we

expect of the dogs as a condition of placement, we should get those

entries back in line right quickly. Unfortunately for me, I would be

gone in the first wave.

Ira Snivelor; Phd.